I had been experiencing prodromal labor for three weeks by the time October 8th rolled around. I was only three days “late” and my other children were all born closer to 42 weeks, but I was getting tired with the near-constant contractions. I was on Twitter mentioning that some of the contractions tonight actually hurt and received a joking reply about #ninjababy arriving the next day – October 9th – which happened to be John Lennon’s birthday. ( #ninjababy is a big Beatles fan – the first time I felt him move we were listening to the White Album and he reacted with kicks and wiggles every time we played the Beatles for him.) Shortly after midnight I started to time contractions, realizing they were coming pretty regularly and were getting my attention. I didn’t want to say that I was “in labor” yet or get The Man’s hopes up, so we headed to the bedroom to watch the first season of The Walking Dead on Netflix. Romantic, I know … but I think I watched every zombie movie in existence the last two weeks of my pregnancy!

By about 3am I was definitely uncomfortable. The contractions weren’t painful, but I was sure at that point this was the real thing and asked The Man if he’d like to fill the birthing tub for me. “Really?” he said, and got an excited look on his face. I knew it was too soon to get IN the tub, but I wasn’t sure how long it would take to fill and I knew we’d have to stop at least once to let the hot water refill. While he was hooking up the hose and filling the tub I got up to walk a bit, rearranged the pillows and put a chux pad down on the bed just in case. I found a semi-reclined position felt the best and let me relax the most during a contraction.

We kept watching TV, and by the tub was full ( about an hour and a half ) I was really, really ready to get in. Sitting wasn’t comfortable, I couldn’t lay on my side, and standing and walking intensified the contractions to the point that it took my breath away. The hot water felt incredible! I draped a towel over the side, leaned on it and found that stretching out kind of frog-legged was the most comfortable way to be. My belly was almost resting on the bottom of the tub, but when a contraction had ended I got on my knees. We were still watching TV and I was focusing on breathing and staying totally relaxed and loose during each contraction. The pain was SO much less in the water and I loved how easy it was for me to move and change position, but …

After maybe two hours in the tub I realized I wasn’t progressing. The contractions were getting stronger, but further apart — from 4 minutes when I got in to nearly 10 minutes apart. I didn’t want to get out, but I knew that’s what I had to do to get things going again. The Man woke up when I got out of the tub ( I told him to take a nap while he could) and I wrapped up in his bathrobe. While my fantastic partner bailed water from the tub so he’d have room to top it off with hot for me, I walked. I labored on the toilet, leaned against the sink, made a trip to the kitchen for a cold drink. Contractions ramped up fast, and they hurt. I was having a hard time relaxing and breathing and just wanted to get back in the water!

I waddled back into the bedroom, determined to stay out of the pool until I couldn’t take it anymore. I got as comfortable as I could in bed and attempted to nap, and almost managed to doze off between contractions. I had labored nearly 12 hours at this point and had been awake more than a day, and I was getting tired. I sat there, looking at the gently steaming water – incense and candles burning – and realized this was as close to a perfect birth environment as I was going to get. I also realized that I was to the point that I had to close my eyes to focus through each contraction and they were coming faster. I was headed back into the tub!

I asked The Man to go start the dryer ( I had towels in there for after the birth) and asked him to make me my labor martini.  He was only gone ten minutes or so, but by the time he came back into the bedroom everything was getting moving.  I was having to vocalize through the contractions at this point, laying flat in the tub during a contraction and then moving back to my knees between.  I didn’t want to open my eyes, and it took concentration to stay very relaxed and open and just let the pain go.  My legs started to shake, and I said “Oh – this is transition.  It’s going to really suck for the next twenty minutes or so, but it’s almost over now.”  He came to the foot of the bed and held my hand during contractions, but I found that I didn’t want to squeeze – making a fist made everything else tight as well – but just holding his hands was enough.  I remember talking to the baby, saying things like “c’mon, then — come on down” and “not much longer.”  I was way  more aware of what was going on than I thought I would be, and was giving a running commentary of what was happening.  I never felt the urge to push – my body just did it all on its own.  After three very fast, hard, contractions I could feel his head coming through my cervix and said “Oh! I feel his head!” followed almost immediately by a pop and my announcing “and….my water just broke.” I let go with one hand and told The Man I wanted to check and see where the baby was – he couldn’t have been more than three inches away!  Four pushes and he was out – the first one had him crowning, and I was able to reach down for the first time ever and FEEL my babies head.  The second push and his head was out — I moved off my knees back on to the seat in the pool so that he could see what was happening as well, and told him that the next contraction would free him to the shoulders, then another and he should be free so be ready to catch.  I was almost laughing saying “It’s his head! It’s his head!”  I probably sounded like a nutter!  The next contraction came very fast and hard and I felt his shoulder and one arm pop free, then the other.  There was a pause that felt like forever between that and the next contraction, but in reality probably only lasted 45 seconds or so.  The Man reached into the pool, ready to catch … my body pushed, and the #ninjababy was free.  He lifted him out of the water, said “Oh my GOD!” and handed him to me, then ran off for towels.  I unwrapped the cord from around his neck, held him to my chest and rubbed his back … he gurgled twice, then opened his eyes and took a deep breath.  The cord had already stopped pulsing by then, and I was afraid the water was getting too cold in the pool, so as soon as the towels were there we wrapped him.  The man reached over my shoulder to tie and cut the cord, and #ninjababy looked up at him with these wide eyes and grabbed his wrist with his little hand.  As soon as he was free dad got some great skin to skin time while I was delivering the placenta.

I hadn’t intended originally to deliver the placenta in the tub, but I was having horrific afterpains and it was right there … so out it came, along with a clot the size of my fist.  I stood up, kind of shaky, and wrapped a chux around me to head into the bathroom to clean up, then back to bed.  I was bleeding more than I felt comfortable with, and I knew I hadn’t torn at all, so I took two doses of HemHalt while nursing the newbie — passed one more large clot and a gush that saturated the chux I was lying on and then the bleeding seemed to almost completely stop.  Funny side note, and probably TMI, but about an hour later I headed to the bathroom to pee and felt something dangling …. only to reach in and find the amniotic sac right there, nearly completely intact, and another large clot.  I remember thinking it odd, but my bleeding had nearly stopped at that point and I was tired.

We headed to bed, the three of us, and took a lovely nap while the #ninjababy nursed.  Well … the boys napped!  I laid there staring at the beautiful new baby that I had just delivered – on my own – and almost in the same spot that he was conceived.  It was both surreal and the most normal experience ever.

INTRODUCING:

Leonidas Danger Perry 9 pounds 4.25 ounces and 21′ long with a 12.5 inch head!

Born at 1:53 pm – in the water at home

I developed SPD ( symphysis pubis dysfunction ) which is something that I hadn’t had to deal with in my previous pregnancies, and a little over a week ago I started prodromal labor.  I’ve had Braxton-Hicks contractions every 3-7 minutes for 14-16 hours a day for nearly nine days now.  I’m tired, it’s hard to find even a reasonably comfortably position to sleep in, and the last day or so my back has ached like you wouldn’t believe ( well, maybe you would? )

Even with all that has gone on, and the incredibly stressful pregnancy we’ve experienced, I’m at peace.  I know that when #ninjababy is ready, he will appear.  I have everything I need to welcome him home.  The house isn’t as clean as I’d like, but I don’t think he’ll notice…and if I have to wait three more weeks?  Well, I know it will be worth it

As most of you know, we homeschool my 9-year-old son and my 7-year-old daughter.  This year we are also adding in some Pre-K learning for my four-year old son.  On one of my homeschool mailing lists I was given a link to Time4Learning – an online homeschool curriculum.  There are a lot of them out there – from K-12 to OakMeadow – and they’re typically pretty expensive ( especially if you have more than one child in the program!)  This program is significantly cheaper, which I love — anything that makes homeschooling more accessible to everyone is great in my eyes!

According to their website:

Time4Learning is a convenient, online homeschool curriculumthat combines education with interactive fun. Animated lessons, interactive activities, printable worksheets and detailed reporting make the learning system a top selection of the Homeschool.com “Top 100 Educational Websites” list, year after year.

The Time4Learning program has been refined through years of feedback from educators, parents, and students. Lessons are presented at the student’s pace by an automated system. The language arts and math lessons correlate to state standards. Science, social studies and art are also available as a bonus in most grades.

Kids love the computer, so let them learn on one! The Time4Learning curriculum gives preschool to eighth graders who are homeschooled the independence they crave, as they progress at their own pace. The program also helps kids who are homeschooled advance, by teaching with individualized learning paths that assure skill mastery.

Parents like the automated grading, lesson plans and detailed reporting that track progress and make record keeping simple.

Other key features of the homeschool curriculum:

• Students get individual logins and work at their own pace
• Parents can set the grade levels independently for each subject
• The grade above and below are available for review and additional study
• Detailed lesson plans available for parents who wish to review lesson contents
• Access to an online playground that rewards and motivates
• Time-stamping feature on the activities (for attendance)
• An automated system grades lessons and keeps reports for homeschool portfolio usage (shown below)
• Sign up and get started on the same day!

Several people have messaged me recently asking if we need/want anything for the arrival of the #ninjababy.  Honestly, there isn’t much we “need” but there are things that it would be nice to have.  After three kids I’ve pretty much realized that all you “need” is some cloth diapers, a car seat, and some clothes.  I had set up an amazon.com baby registry a while back, mostly to get the 10% discount later on for ourselves, but I attached the link to the list at the bottom of this note.

Honestly, the only thing we truly NEED at this point is a place for the #ninjababy to sleep when he isn’t in bed with us.  I have my heart set on a baby hammock, but they’re expensive and I can only find the one I like in Australia.  @juliecottle from Natural Transitions sells them, and I love supporting my Twitter moms when I can instead of some nameless corporation.  It’s called the Happy Hangup, and it is on the list below.  Because it’s so pricey ( sad face ) I had actually started a donation fund a while back to try to get some help with it…the hammock, stand and cushion end up being less than a traditional crib price wise, but it’s still a chunk of change.  I like the hammock because of its motion, and the fact that it’s easily portable for travel or just switching rooms…and because I guess I’m now shameless, here’s the link to the FundRazr for the baby’s bed: Ninjababy Hammock

Again, I’m not asking for anyone to buy anything – this is for those people who had asked, and my fingers have been slow in sending the same message with the same information over and over.

Here’s the link to the Amazon list, carefully arranged into “wants” and “needs.”  There’s also some fun stuff on there  (we don’t “need” an oriental styled gliding bassinet, but thought it would be fun for a “ninjababy” to have).  We’re a babywearing, clothdiapering, cosleeping crunchy family … but I still squee over the cute factor of some of this stuff.  Hey, I’m only human!  We may be getting a hand me down car seat, but the rest of it is here.

In addition to all this, as much of the profit from my Etsy shop as I can save is also going to buy things for the arrival of the #ninjababy.  Minus shipping and material fees, every time you buy a dryer ball you add to my “baby needs” fund.  If you want to go check out ( cough cough *buy* ) some wooly goodness, the link to the Etsy store is here AND  I’ll have a perma-coupon for free shipping (domestic OR international) if you use ninjababy at checkout.

I think that’s everything?  I’ve added a contact me page if anyone needs more information, and I’m always happy to take hand me downs for clothing and clothdiapers.   ( I’ll even pay your shipping!)

Nobody Really Cares.

That seems to be the root of most of my stress and sadness at the moment. Pay attention, now — NOBODY really cares. This weighs on me, more than I realized until I started to talk about it.

Now, I have to add a disclaimer. I have some friends on Twitter that have gone above and beyond what I would expect any stranger to do for another. They have helped me out of jams, encouraged my home based business, and sent me boxes of hand me downs and diapers for the arrival of the the #ninjababy. These people make me cry, and give me hope for humanity. I’ve NEVER met any of them in person, and yet they give of their time and resources without being asked and expecting nothing in return. To these people (you know who you are) I say THANK YOU, and mean it from the bottom of my heart. You have kept me going.

Here in my real world, however, I feel like some lone tree on an island. There is so much drama and chaos going on in my life, and no one can be bothered to so much as send an email or text message to make sure that I’m still breathing.

I’m going to have a son in October, I’m going to bring another human being onto this planet, and I don’t think my family and “friends” even know when my due date is, or what we’ve chosen for his name, or anything pertaining to our plan for birth. No one really cares. No one has called to see how I’m feeling. No one asks if there is anything I need, or want. I’m fairly sure that half of them don’t even know how far along I am. I didn’t expect a baby shower, but maybe the offer of a casserole for the freezer, or some acknowledgement that a major life changing event is about to happen? I’ve given up my dreams of having a doula here, or a professional to do birth shots for me. I can’t do it alone, and nobody else really cares.

I’ve stopped doing pregnancy photos and weekly updates. I’ve given up the idea of a belly cast or henna or lovely maternity shots. I’m the only one who seems to care about any of that. My heart is breaking at the thought of not getting the pictures I had envisioned at the lovely waterfalls not far away…but nobody really cares.

I don’t think TBA has felt his son kick more than twice in the last seven months. Every time I mention there is a hand or knee or elbow poking around, or try to slide his hand onto my stomach to feel the rolls and somersaults as we lie in bed at night, he doesn’t really care. I’m hurt by this, I don’t understand it. How could you NOT want to bond with your child? Even if you aren’t really “into” it, do it to humor me… take two seconds, let the #ninjababy kick your hand, smile and make me happy.

I’m excited for the new arrival, and yet every time I try to talk about anything pertaining to #ninjababy with anyone in real life…well, they don’t care. I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for being excited or wanting to buy little diapers or look at onesies in a store. I feel rushed if I try to stop and price car seats, or look at a swing or bouncer. Nobody else really cares. I get the impression, though, as if the somber “meh” mood that everyone else has should somehow filter it’s way into me. NO! I CARE. Just because this isn’t the first baby, or the first boy, or the first grandchild does not mean that he is somehow less deserving than my other children!

Its been three weeks now that we’ve been car-less. Three weeks since the accident in Philadelphia. I have friends that live less than a mile from here, that are ON my Facebook page, that follow me on Twitter, that had NO IDEA we didn’t have a car. They didn’t realize that we’ve been walking everywhere for the last three weeks. I have family and other relatives that are more than well equipped financially to have helped us rent a car, or at least offered to chip in and buy us a month’s bus pass. Nobody really cares. Nobody cares that I’m walking everywhere that a bus can’t take me, or that its been in the high 90′s with heat indexes in the 100′s. Nobody cares that after a few blocks I’m having Braxton-Hicks that are strong enough to take my breath away and force me to sit. Nobody cares that by the time we get home from one of these trips my legs are swollen beyond belief and my back aches so badly it hurts to sit. Nobody cares that I can’t seem to keep weight on with this pregnancy, and that between stress and the miles of walking I’m exactly * two * pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight at 28 weeks. Nobody has even bothered to ask if there was something they could do, or something to help with.

All these things hurt my heart. There are other stresses in my life, of course, and things that need to be worked on. What is tearing me up is that fact that I’m seemingly alone in all this. I’ve always believed that anything can be faced and overcome with support and the love of friends and family. But now I finally get it.

Nobody really cares.

<CLOSED TO ENTRIES>

Random.org chose @Lythics for the dryer balls!  Congrats!

As I had mentioned in an earlier post  I’m trying very hard to get my shop on Etsy back up and running and supplement our ninjababy fund.  I’ve promoted through Twitter and my Facebook page, and my friends have been wonderful in word of mouth advertising.  As both a thank you and a way to get the word out there about my new shop, I’ve decided to give away a full set of SIX organic wool dryer balls!  Use all six, keep three and give three away, however you’d like to do it…but six wooly felted balls will head the way of the winner.

Organic Wool Dryer Balls

2-3oz each and about the size of a baseball

The photos up there are images of some earlier balls that I’ve felted.  These may not be white, as the wool I get can be any shade from pure white to dark black.  When I have the “actual” balls rolled and ready I’ll post a shot of them as well, but they will be solid wool ( no acrylic core), between two and three ounces each and about the size of a baseball ( sometimes larger!)

I hate complicated giveaways, I really do, so I’m going to try to make this one as easy as possible, but give you lots of chances for extra entries as well.  Here we go:

Mandatory Entry:  Leave me a comment telling me why you want a set of dryer balls.

Additional Entries (please leave a separate comment for each entry!):

Follow or subscribe to  my blog & leave me a comment.

“Like” my business page on Facebook and leave me a comment there that you’ve entered to win the dryer balls.

Visit my Etsy shop and leave me a comment here telling me another product I sell that you’d like.

Leave me a comment here telling me something else you’d like to see me create!

Post “Win a set of #organic #wool #dryerballs from @SilentlyJoyful ! Enter here! http://wp.me/pVKIg-5c” and leave me a comment that you tweeted.

That’s it, simple enough?  I’ll draw the winner using Random.org on Monday July 4th ( just to be patriotic!) and your balls will be in the mail before that Friday.  Remember, I HAVE to have a way to get in touch with you or I’ll have to redraw the winner ( and I hate doing that!)  If the primary winner doesn’t respond within 48 hours, I’ll redraw.

Two Hours Old...9 pounds 3 ounces

Three Months

18 months

In his sisters bathrobe...about 2 1/2

Three

Today, FOUR years old!

Happy Birthday, baby … stop growing so fast!

Granted, there are times that she’s obviously touched out by all the fuzzy attention, and it’s quite amusing to see her walking across the room with a kitten attached to a nipple, desperate to keep walking and sucking.  At the same time, though, she invites them to come cuddle several times a day.  She’ll appear, making her special growly meow and kittens erupt from everywhere, rushing to mom.  She lays there, content, covered in kittens.

Kittens at nine weeks...still nursing away!

The little fuzzies are eating solid food.  They don’t “need” to nurse for nourishment.  Yet they do, and she allows it.  It makes me wonder why.  Does she have some momma cat instinct that tells her they still need it?  Does she enjoy it?  If a cat can take cues from her progeny and allow them to self wean, why can’t we?  Why are we so focused on dates and times and set weaning schedules and when the right day of the week is to introduce solids?  It seems more natural to just go with the flow and let it happen.  She’s never done this before, she’s read no books and has no other mama cats to talk to or get advice from.  It’s all instinct, and it seems to work just fine.

Lil' Joey with Umbilical Snap Down

Inside the Lil Joey

I can’t wait until NinjaBaby is here and we can start to use these!  They’re SO tiny  Lil’ Joey’s are made by Rumparooz and I bought mine at Diaper Junction.